Time flies when we're having fun. It's been one crazy week. Full of ups and downs, full of tears and laughter and full of miss pissy. It's amazing how Tim puts up with my crap. (:

The results are finally out. Didn't do too well. Improved from the mocks, but just not good enough for me to get accepted into the university of my choice. First my Vet dreams were shattered and now my wildlife management dream is down the drain. I'm left with the "GREAT" wait from Murdoch uni, just hoping and wishing that I’ll get accepted into my third interest, conservation biology.

I'm kind of in a dilemma now, if I don't get what I really want, should I still head back to aus and do some uni course which I have no interest in, or should I just remain in s'pore? Worst of all, what if none of the universities accept me? I'm freaking hell all stressed out about it now. I'm currently jobless, what more schoolless. How great can life get for me this year eh?

I wanna head to uni, but it's the stupid fear that's holding me back, I don't wanna take the risk of not doing well again, I don't wanna disappoint my parents any further, and most of all, I don't wanna end up doing a course which I really don't wanna do. Yes, I may end up learning to love the course, but what if half way through; I lose the love for it? What's going to happen? Carry on and get stuck with it for life, or what? There are so many what ifs in mind now. Fears eating me up slowly.

That fear? It fades and kicks in every time someone brings up the topic of university. It's solely thanks to the amount of shit that has happened to me this year. Next year's a brand new year, but I’m still being a stubborn bitch who doesn't want to take the risk. If only I was smarter, if only I had open my eyes a little wider before I left for aus, if only I had never had such a silly dream.