Back to school once again. Got Bio paper back, and it just destroyed my whole damn day. What a great way to end the school day eh? Bio paper. One of those days again. So much for telling Joachim that I'll stand tall. Right? Reality check! I'm not going to make it to uni am I? If I fail Maths, I'm going to scream my guts out, check and double check reality, and realise that I should have just stayed put in S'pore. I'm just sick and tired of falling and picking myself up over and over again. How many times do I have to do this? I'm just sick of it!

If I didn't have a crazy dream of becoming a Vet, maybe I wouldn't be in such a position. I guess dreams don't come true, and sometimes, we need to reality check those silly dreams. Well...it's way too late for me to check that now, cause I have already made the biggest mistake of heading to Perth, just to get that silly dream of mine and then reality bites back and hits me right smack in the face. How silly can I ever get? Academic wise, I'm so darn sucky at it. Why is it that people who put their heart and soul into studying don't get the results that they deserve? But people who just sit back, and walk right into the exam hall without studying get the results that I STRONGLY feel that they don't deserve? Sighs...life's just so unfair eh? What can we do about it? I WISH I knew.

I've come so far, but I've yet to succeed. Every damn year I have to go through this stage of falling. This stage where friends and family try to psycho me by saying that I can do it and I'm capable of many things, and that I should just hang on and move ahead. Those psycho talks don't seem to work on me anymore. I've become immune to it. No idea why. I guess there's so much I can take. My mind's just full of neg thoughts once again. Yes...I want to get through this, it's just a few more weeks and I'm out of here. I'll hang, but when the results come out in December, I don't wish to look at it, I don't wish to open the letter box in fear that I may do really badly, in fear that no university would send me a letter of acceptance. That's one more time where reality will bite me right back. Where will I head to if I don't get to uni? What will I do? And how do I wipe out the guilt in me that I’ve let my parents down once again? Sighs...so many questions, but no answers. That's just what I hate about growing up. We'll never get answers till we just go through that whole tough period.

I want to be a kid again. I really do...