Seems like it hasn't been a very good year for many. That includes me.

Well...It's been officially one month since things went way down hill for me. It hit me last night that the time that's suppose to help me heal hasn't kicked in. As I hit the covers to keep myself warm, about to open my chemistry book, my nightmare suddenly came crawling into my head. I sat in bed, stoned, as images came flashing into my head. Images of good times, images of the day I left S'pore to come to Perth, that phrase which had full of meaning played in my head. That voice, that promise, those eyes, that smile, those tears. Every single image came flashing back at me.

As I sit here, images still constantly flash in my head. The tears, they're all gone, but I still feel the ache. I wanna breakdown, but I can't. I feel it coming, but it doesn't fall. I guess it's because I've forced myself to think that I'm happy, forced myself to smile, forced myself to think that I've moved on. But in reality, I haven't. I'm such a fool. a fool for holding on and loving you

Like what I told Bert the other day, faking a smile's a piece of cake. And it's true, cause I've become an expert at that. I smile just to make myself feel better, and sometimes, I smile so much so that this thinking goes into my head..."woah...I'm actually happy" but hmm...am I really truely happy? I can never seem to answer that question.

From now till I have no idea when, it's not going to be an easy road ahead. 3 years ago, this was the month that changed my life. Now...it's changing again. Do I look forward to this unpredictable journey? No...I'll just live each day as it is.